Getting the Money Right: Five keys for controlling it so it doesn't control you.

Managing money usually isn't at the top of your to-do list as a college student. You've got enough to do already, with class, homework, work, friends, church, etc. etc. etc.

And while having money is fun, managing it isn't. It's not all that easy, either. And, hey, isn't that something you don't need to worry about 'til you have a "real job," anyway?

Knowing some things about money at this point in your life is no guarantee of present or future financial success, but ignorance about money is a recipe for trouble; being overcharged or ripped off, really truly not knowing where your money is going, creating debt that will slow you down later, spending too much on things you don't really care about (and then not having any left to spend on things you do)...

So here are a few basics about how to do it better:

1. Build a budget. A budget is just a plan for spending; it's how much money you have (or will have, if you have a student job), minus how much you're planning to spend. The goal, of course, is to make sure that your expenses do not exceed your income sources. Here’s a good start.

2. Track your spending (from cash, credit, all of it). For this to work, you have to be kind of compulsive about it; track it down to the dollar. Review it at the end of the month; you'll probably be really really surprised what you spent money on.

3. Be smart with credit cards. As you know, they're not free money. Using a credit card wisely (like paying it in full each month) can help you build a credit score, which will help when it comes to big post-college purchases; but overusing it (which is easy to do) can really cause problems both sooner and later. As one grad said, "I spent five years after graduation dealing with the credit card debt I racked up in college buying stupid stuff; don’t let the same thing happen to you." And be sure you understand things like APR and late fees and the like.

4. Educate yourself; know the difference between debit and credit cards, between checking and savings accounts, etc. The flip side of this is being careful about who you trust; don't sign an agreement or contract if you're not confident that you understand it fully...a warm smile and friendly manner doesn't mean the other person is honest.

5. Be willing to downgrade your expectations. It's okay to live like a broke college student; it's a season of your life, and hopefully it's preparing you for something better. But that's later, not now; for now, go to Savers. Use all the meals on your campus meal plan. Look for free stuff (including going to campus events that have free food!). Share things with friends (instead of everybody having to buy their own). Don't tell yourself you need the newest/best/fastest/biggest. And maybe, if you learn to do without it now... well, you just might be able to live without it, period.

Night(s) of the Living Dead? Ten ways to keep Finals Week stress from eating you up.

If I say "Finals Week," what do you think of?

It may be a Sam's Club trip for those 24 cases of Red Bull, or the 3 a.m. trip to Denny's, or pulling out the beanie to cover the hair you haven't washed for a week. It may be wondering why you’re hungry at 4 p.m., and then remembering you forgot to eat today.

Perhaps more than anything else, Finals Week can mean stress. Stress to want to end well, stress to try and salvage a rough semester, stress to not look like an academic fraud, stress to want to have good news grade-wise for the parents as you walk in the door.

Stress itself doesn't have to be a bad thing. It can serve as motivation to study, and the adrenaline it produces can give you energy to work hard. The challenge is to control it, and not let it overwhelm you.

Ten ways to keep Finals Week stress from eating you up:

1. Sleep- Staying up all night and studying is not the path to success. In those spy or war movies, sleep deprivation is always one of the methods of torture! Studies show that once you get overtired, all that reading is just not going to stick in your memory anyway. Better to show up a little less-studied but well-rested and clear-minded.

2. Eat well - Make sure you eat regular meals with healthy food (try to avoid the carb binges), and stay up on your fluids. But radically increasing your caffeine intake can make you jittery and unable to focus, and that's even more stressful!

3. Get some exercise- It's a double blessing; it not only can get your blood (and your endorphins) pumping and improve your stamina, it's also a great stress reliever. And (along with sleeping and eating well) it's a way to keep the stress from hammering your immune system; taking a final with a stuffy head is no fun.

4. Schedule your time this week; Start now--don't wait any longer! Pencil in your exams, meal times, study periods, breaks, etc. into some sort of calendar or planner. Procrastination is your worst enemy. Set priorities and stick with them. Even if you haven't practiced any ‘time management' all semester, do some now.

5. Good study techniques; it's never too late to use them. If you're not a total loner, group study can be really productive as long as you're disciplined and focused. Flash cards (or a digital equivalent) can be great for fact-based study, and you can break them out during meals or other ‘in-between' times. Try this for remembering textbook materials. And find a couple good places to study as well; even if you already have some good spots, you may find yourself crowded out this time of year.

6. Take breaks! Yes, you hereby have official permission to take a break. Try not to study for more than a couple hours straight. Your mind needs time to digest before taking on any more. So after studying for 2 hours, go take a walk (or do something else you enjoy) for 15 minutes. But if you study for 15 minutes then take a 2-hour break, that's sort of, um... counterproductive, you know?

7. Learn to say no! Turn off the unimportant stuff, like your phone and Twitter and YouTube and Facebook...it's only for a few days! And try to avoid the stress-carriers; you know, those people who interrupt your studying to unload on you about how they don't have enough time to study and how the rest of their life is falling apart (you're not a stress-carrier yourself, are you?).

8. Show up! Be sure you know when and where your tests are. No, seriously; every year there's somebody who didn't bother to check the schedule and ends up missing a final.

9. Have a plan for the test itself. Be sure to pack ahead anything you might need (calculator, etc.). Don't get there late; you don't need that stress. But don't get there half an hour early and sit there and twitch. Show up ten minutes early and find a quiet spot for a few minutes of quiet reflection and prayer. This is not the time for more studying; trying to cram at this point will probably just freak you out. Take some long deep breaths. And don't panic if you're not the first one done with the exam. What does that prove?

10. When it's over, let it go. This is no time to go all perfectionist on yourself. Reward yourself with something you enjoy, whether you aced the final or not. You've earned it. And if you've got more finals ahead, keep to your schedule for studying; if you're done, congratulations. Celebrate...but not so loudly that you distract the folks who aren't done with Finals yet!

The "final" message? Relax. Don't panic. Have a plan and work hard at it; put in the hours necessary. But keep the final in perspective, keep the class in perspective, keep the semester in perspective. Your life will not end if you blow a test.

Really.

Read It. Say It. Say It Again: How to study for a test.

Okay, there's a test on the way, and you're trying to put together a study strategy. You should:

(a) try to read all the material as many times as possible;

(b) try to use some mnemonic devices to remember it, like making a song out of the important terms;

(c) be a kinesthetic learner; go out and touch and experience the things you're studying (now, this may be less useful for philosophy classes!);

(d) read the material, close the book, then write down and/or say out loud as much as you can remember.

Perhaps surprisingly, recent research has found that (d) is the best way to get information into your long-term memory.

But doesn't it help to read and re-read until it all looks familiar? Not if you can't recite it after you close the book, says Jeffrey Karpicke of Purdue: "In our experiments, when students repeatedly read something, it falsely inflates their sense of their own learning... when you go into take a classroom test, or in real life when you need to reconstruct the knowledge, the book's not there."

"Active recall," whether it's quizzing yourself, using flashcards, or just reciting the information, is not a new idea; the "SQ3R" model (Survey, Question, Read, Recite, Review) goes back to 1946.

But isn't this only useful for 'fact'-based information, like remembering chemical tables and math formulas and historical dates? Isn't it too shallow for deeper, more thoughtful, integrative learning? According to the Chronicle of Higher Ed, Mark McDaniel of Washington University conducted one experiment that suggested that "a week after reading a complex passage, people who recited the material after reading it did much better at solving problems that involved analyzing and drawing inferences than did people who simply read the passage twice."

Now, people are different, and not all methods work for everyone. But if you don't yet have a study strategy, you might consider one that's proven to work; read carefully, close the book, and recite it back.

That Time of Year: How to not get sick at college.

College is all about community. It’s about the whole being greater than the sum of the parts. It’s about sharing. While you’re here, you share meals, you share a room, you share professors, you share common experiences like football games, parties, and concerts, you share common bathrooms…

…And of course, you share germs.

So when one person gets a cold or the flu, everyone else seems to come down with it too. In close proximity, illnesses spread easily. So here are a few tips to avoid getting sick in college.

How To Avoid It

1. Get a flu shot- You probably won't have to travel further than the campus Health Center and you can prevent the worst of winter's yucks. You don't want to be stuck in your room and sick for several days.

2. Wash your hands. Wash your hands. Wash your hands.

3. Avoid areas where everyone seems to get sick. If everyone at the library or the computer lab is hacking and has a tableful of tissues, stay as far away as you can.

4. Regularly disinfect all surfaces: Part of the essentials this time of year is a small spray can of Lysol or some disinfectant wipes. Don't just clean your room, disinfect it. It will help kill any lingering germs that can get you sick later. This time of year, hand sanitizer isn’t being compulsive, it’s being wise.

5. Rest and de-stress - Too many all-nighters and last-minute papers takes a toll on your health and opens you up to illness. Get a good night’s sleep regularly (see here for more on sleeping and rest).

6. Have an “I’m sick!” kit prepared beforehand. You’re going to catch something sometime, and at that point it’s probably too late (or too uncomfortable) to get all this stuff… so get it before you get sick:

• Tissues
• Hand sanitizer (>60% alcohol)
• Some fluids: bottled water, tea, Gatorade (or the like). Maybe some honey or lemon juice for the tea?
• Ramen (c’mon, you’ve probably got this already)
• Thermometer
• Salt (for salt water gargling, if your throat is sore)
• Over-the-Counter meds:

• Acetaminophen (Tylenol) or Ibuprofen (Advil, Motrin, Nuprin) reduces fever, takes care of aches. Follow dosing procedures, don’t take too much.
• Pseudoephedrine (Sudafed). You don’t need a prescription (unless you try to buy a lot), but you’ll have to ask the pharmacist for it (and show a driver’s license or other official ID).
• Be very careful if you’re taking more than one medicine; read the label to be sure you’re not double-dosing something (like taking Tylenol and a cold med that contains Tylenol).

Too Late! It Already Got Me!

Kelci Lynn Lucier, USNews & World Report, has some suggestions if you're already beyond the 'prevention' stage:

Let the right people know:
Let your professors know you're missing class if you are a student in a small class, have a big day in class (meaning you have a paper due or presentation to give), or have any other responsibilities where your absence will be both noted and problematic. A quick email letting your professor know you're sick, while promising to follow-up with them about how to make up the assignment (including a gracious request for an extension), should only take a few minutes to write but will save you quite a bit of time later. Also, check your syllabi or ask what the prof’s policy is if you've missed something major, like a midterm or paper deadline.

• Ask if you can borrow your classmates/friends’ class notes so you can stay up to date on your studies.

• Check in with your RA or RD and let them know that you are not feeling well.

• If you’re going to miss more than 1 or 2 sessions, you should send a follow-up note to the prof updating them, and even check in with your Academic Advisor to let them know and get some advice for staying up on your work. Even a doctor's excuse doesn't always go as far as demonstrated willingness to (a) take responsibility for your missed work and (b) work with your professor to get caught up.

Let yourself rest. Yes, you have that group project, that event your club is planning, and the concert you and your roommate have had tickets to for months. Gotta say no. Don’t get sicker because you didn't take care of yourself. Let yourself sleep!

Eat healthy and drink plenty of fluids. Eating healthy in college can be a challenge but it’s not impossible. What would your mother want you to eat: more fruits and veggies, things with nutrition, healthy liquids. So, no, that donut and a Diet Coke won't work for breakfast, especially when you're sick. Grab a banana, slice of toast, and orange juice instead. And don’t starve yourself either: Being sick is no time to fight back against the Freshman-15. Ask your friend or roommate to get you a to-go box from the Caf if you have a meal plan… yeah, you’ll owe them a big favor, but it’s better than starving.

Ask a friend or your roommate to get you some medicine. Even the basics, like aspirin and DayQuil, can make a bad cold or flu manageable. Don't be afraid to ask a friend or roommate to grab you something while they're out and about (and of course, do the same for them when they’re sick!).

Head to the Health Center for a check-up. If you're sick for more than a day or two, have really bad symptoms, or otherwise just don't feel right, utilize what your campus has to offer. Make an appointment -- or just walk in. They can check you out while also offering advice and medication to get you back on your feet.

Don’t spread your germs… even to yourself!

• Stay in your room. This is no time to personally share your misery with everyone on your floor or your house/apartment.

• Wash your hands. Wash your hands. Wash your hands.

• Don’t share cups, towels, or any personal items.

• Cough or sneeze in the crook of your elbow.

• Wash your sheets, pillowcases, blankets, and bath towels because when you're sick, those germs get caught in fabrics. Continuing to put your face on those germ-infested fabrics will keep you sick longer!

Prioritize your to-do list and time management. As Lucier notes,

If you're sick for more than a day or two, you will likely fall behind on at least something -- life in college moves very, very quickly. Take a few moments to write down a little list of what you have to do and then prioritize. Getting to the health center for a Strep Throat test? Priority! Updating Facebook with pictures from last weekend's party? Not a priority. Take care of the most important things now so you can do the other things you want and need to do later.

Sources:

http://collegelife.about.com/od/healthwellness/a/W...
http://www.usfca.edu/hps/_Resources/Being_Sick/
http://www.dailytexanonline.com/life-and-arts/2013...
http://www.rit.edu/emcs/admissions/bca/item/hot-bl...
http://www.ehealthinsurance.com/student-health-ins...
http://www.scholarships.com/blog/college-culture/g...

Not Sleeping? Gotta fix that.

Fell asleep in class again today?

But still lying awake at 2 am?

Slept through your alarm (and your 8am Spanish)?

College students are among the most sleep-deprived people in the country. According to a 2001 study, only 11% of college students have good sleep quality, and 73% have occasional sleep problems. That same study found that 18% of college men and 30% of college women reported suffering from insomnia within the past 3 months, and over half reported feeling sleepy during the morning.

And that was 2001...want to bet it's gotten [much] worse since then?

Most people need to sleep about 8 hours each night. This is especially true for college students, since the deep sleep that occurs early in the night and the dream sleep that occurs later in the night are both required to learn.

USNews writer Kelci Lynn Lucier says,

"There's a reason most college students sleep in whenever they have the chance: they're exhausted, sleep deprived, and in desperate need of some zzzz's at any given time. And yet finding time to sleep in college can be quite challenging, given that sleep often is the first thing to get cut when stress levels and workloads pile up."

What happens if I don't get enough sleep?

Sleep deficit results from not getting enough sleep for several nights. Building up your sleep deficit results in a decrease in daytime function. It can affect your physical health by weakening your immune system. It can affect your mental health by resulting in tension, irritability, depression, confusion, and generally lower life satisfaction.

It's well documented that sleep-deprived students perform significantly worse than students who regularly get a good night's sleep. REM sleep is particularly important for consolidating newly learned information, and a large proportion of REM sleep occurs towards the end of the night. So studying most of the night for a test, and then sleeping only a few hours, decreases your ability to remember new information.

Not getting enough sleep also seriously impairs your ability to drive. Driving while tired is as dangerous as driving while intoxicated - more than 40,000 injuries and 1,500 deaths each year result from traffic accidents involving sleepy drivers.

How can I get a better night's sleep?

1. Relax! An alert mind may make it difficult to sleep. Try to slow the pace of your activities in the evening, and develop a bedtime wind-down routine that you follow faithfully. Do some light reading or watch TV until you become drowsy, and then try to fall asleep naturally.

2. If there's a lot on your mind, try writing down a detailed list and then forgetting about it. Try this visualization technique: pretend that your mind is a chalk board. Every time a worrisome thought enters your head, visualize it as written on the chalk board and then immediately erase it. Keep erasing these thoughts as they pop up and refuse to think about them until tomorrow.

3. Avoid or limit caffeine, not only in soda but in things like chocolate (sob!).

4. Exercise and stay active. Twenty to 30 minutes of vigorous physical activity enhances deep sleep, but avoid exercising in the 4-6 hours before bedtime since it increases alertness.

5. Avoid long naps. Naps of less than 30 minutes can actually be quite refreshing during the naturally occurring mid-afternoon slump, but napping for much longer than this can make you drowsy and interfere with a good night's sleep.

6. Take a look at your diet. Make sure that you are consuming adequate amounts of B-complex vitamins, as several of the B vitamins can enhance restful sleep as well as reduce fatigue. If you are not eating a well-balanced diet, consider taking a supplement.

7. Set realistic daily goals. Setting goals helps to minimize the possibility that you will stay awake thinking about what you have not accomplished that day. Perfectionists and worriers tend to have more trouble sleeping.

8. Establish a regular sleep schedule. Although this can be difficult for college students, as much as possible, it is important to try to go to bed and wake up at approximately the same time each day, even on weekends when you're trying to 'make up' sleep. Otherwise it's like putting yourself through jet lag over and over again!

9. Practice diaphragmatic (deep) breathing. When practiced before bed, not only will deep breathing help you to feel more relaxed and to facilitate sleep, but also you are likely to obtain more restful sleep. Breathe all the way out, squeezing out the last bit of air, before you breathe in again.

What about sleeping pills?

Sleeping pills may be prescribed by a doctor or bought over the counter. However, prescription sleep aids can lead to dependence and become less effective if used for long periods of time. There are basically three types of prescription sleep aids:

• The benzodiazapines are the traditional sleeping pills and their effects can last from 3 to 25 hours. These longer acting drugs can build up in your system, causing increased sedation, confusion or other problems.

• The newer sleep aids such as Ambien are similar to the benzodiazepines, but leave the system in 1 to 5 hours.

• The tricyclic antidepressant drugs are helpful in inducing sleep and are less damaging when used for longer periods of time.

Many over-the-counter sleep aids contain antihistamines to induce sleep and may result in residual drowsiness the next day. They are usually only effective for 2 or 3 nights.

What about natural sleep aids?

Tryptophan is an essential amino acid that helps calm you down and is found in most protein-containing foods and dairy products. Adding honey or other carbohydrates helps facilitate the entry of tryptophan into the brain. B vitamins, especially B6, also help in the absorption of tryptophan. Calcium is also a natural calming agent and is found in all dairy products. Some herbal teas are especially calming, including chamomile, lemon verbena, lemon balm, passion flower, peppermint, and red clover.

Melatonin is a hormone naturally produced by your body during the night. Studies have found that melatonin supplements may improve sleep for 5% of people with sleep disturbances. Valerian, chamomile, kavakava, California poppy, skullcap, St. John's Wort, and hops are some of the other herbal supplements being promoted as sleep aids, but they haven't undergone the rigorous testing required of prescription drugs.

When using herbal sleep aids, it's important to use them as infrequently and in as low a dose as possible, and to check with your doctor for possible interactions with any medications you're taking.

A Couple of Other Strategies

Reduce Physical Stress.

If you find that your are physically unable to relax, you might benefit from progressive muscle relaxation, a technique which involves alternately tensing and relaxing each major muscle in your body one-by-one. For example, starting with your upper body, flex your shoulders tightly towards your ears. Hold this position, making the muscles as tight as you can, for 10 seconds. Release and relax your shoulders, noticing the difference between the tense and relaxed positions and feeling the warmth associated with the relaxation of the muscle; relax and breathe for 15-20 seconds. Continue this process with the other muscles in your body, working from your shoulders, neck, and arms down to your midsection, buttocks, and legs.

Get Out of Bed!

If you are lying in bed and are unable to sleep, the best thing you can do is to get out of bed. Most people fall asleep within 15 minutes of going to bed, so if you’re not asleep after half an hour, get up and go elsewhere to engage in a quiet activity—reading, writing letters, etc. Do not eat or drink; your body might get confused and think it's breakfast wake-up time. When you start to feel sleepy, return to bed. Repeat this routine as often as necessary, and follow these same steps if you wake up in the middle of the night and can’t fall back asleep. If you awake in the early morning hours, get up to start your day. Try to avoid long naps; instead, go to bed your usual time the following night.

Sleep and Learning: A Strong Connection

Learning involves three distinct brain processes: acquisition, consolidation, and recall.

• Acquisition is the process by which the brain receives information—be it a list of facts or the proper technique for shooting a free-throw—and stores this information within its neural circuits as a memory.

• Consolidation is a process that can extend over minutes, hours, or even days, during which connections in the brain are strengthened, extended, and in some cases even weakened, so that a memory ends up in a more stable and useful form.

• Recall is the last important step in learning, in which the brain accesses and utilizes stored information, often bringing memories back to mind.

Dr. Robert Stickgold of Harvard talks about sleep, memory, and dreams

Inadequate sleep negatively affects all three learning processes. Acquisition and recall suffer in the most recognizable way. It is simply more difficult to concentrate when we are sleep deprived; this affects our ability to focus on and gather information presented to us, and our ability to remember even those things we know we have learned in the past. The less obvious—but possibly more profound—impact of sleep deprivation on learning is the effect that many sleep researchers think it has on memory consolidation.

Although no one knows exactly how sleep enables memory consolidation, a number of studies have shown that a reduction in total sleep time or specific sleep stages can dramatically inhibit a person's ability to consolidate recently-formed memories. Poor sleep appears to affect the brain's ability to consolidate both factual information (such as what you had for breakfast or that Paris is the capital of France) and procedural memories about how to do various physical tasks (such as riding a bicycle or playing the piano). Research suggests that the most critical period of sleep for memory consolidation is the one immediately following a lesson. If this opportunity is lost (such as when a student pulls an "all-nighter"), it generally can’t be made up. Even if sleep is "recovered" on subsequent nights, the brain will be less able to retain and make use of information acquired on the day before the all-nighter.

Pulling all-nighters can interfere with your ability to learn new material. You may be able to memorize facts during an all-night study session and recall the information through short-term memory for a test the next day, but you will most likely have to re-learn the material for a paper or a subsequent cumulative exam.

Making Time for Sleep

These findings have shed new light on the importance of making time for sleep, not only for college students, but for anyone who wants to continue to learn. However, that doesn't mean finding the time for sleep is always easy. For many people—even those who recognize the importance of sleep—balancing work, school, family, social activities, and personal time can be difficult, and sleep is often one of the first activities to get squeezed out.

Sources

http://healthysleep.med.harvard.edu/need-sleep/whats-in-it-for-you/memory
http://www.geneseo.edu/health/sleep
http://brown.edu/Student_Services/Health_Services/Health_Education/common_college_health_issues/sleep.php
http://collegelife.about.com/od/healthwellness/ht/How-To-Get-Enough-Sleep-In-College.htm

Links You Can Use

WebMD's Sleep Disorders Health Center
This site has information from doctors and experts about sleep disorders and what you can do to ease them. Learn tips for sound sleep, facts about melatonin, causes of insomnia and more.

National Center on Sleep Disorders
This site has an interactive quiz for you to test what you know about sleep disorders. You can also read fact sheets on insomnia, narcolepsy, apnea and a variety of other sleep disorders.

American Academy of Sleep Medicine
The web site of the national accrediting body for sleep disorders centers and laboratories contains reliable information on sleep, sleep disorders, treatments and services.

Bored? Good for you!

In your room, up in your loft on a Friday afternoon.

Waiting outside the Caf for 13 1/2 minutes for your friends to show up.

In line at the Post Office, or the DMV, or anywhere.

I am so bored I could scream!

Misunderstanding Boredom

For most of us, it isn't that our lives or situations are actually 'boring,' it's that we're not experiencing them as interesting. It's a subjective experience, not objective. Writer/fitness expert Mark Sisson says, "Boredom isn’t so much an experience itself but our resistance to an innate level of being."

Giles Fraser, a British journalist and priest, says that our culture's almost-pathological fear of boredom [and our resulting addiction to entertainment] is a result of our loss of religion; without God to make meaning out of life, to tell us what is important (and therefore, what is not), we are forced to try by ourselves to make meaning out of everything.

But that's impossible for us to do, and so we distract ourselves: "As traditional structures of meaning are wiped away, boredom comes to be regarded as a very personal sort of failing. And in order to avoid it, various distractions are entertained: travel, drink, drugs, Xbox, sex, transgressive behaviour – all strategies of avoidance, all hinting at a desperate desire to hold off the acknowledgment of meaninglessness." (Fraser's excellent podcast is here)

A History of Boredom? (Sounds Boring)

“Boredom” first became a word in 1852, with the publication of Charles Dickens’ convoluted (and sometimes boring) serial, Bleak House; as an emotional state, it obviously dates back a lot further. Roman philosopher Seneca talks about boredom as a kind of nausea, while Greek historian Plutarch notes that Pyrrhus (from which we get “Pyrrhic victory”) became desperately bored in his retirement.

Dr. Peter Toohey, a Classics professor at the University of Calgary, traced the path of being bored in 2011 in Boredom: A Lively History. Among the stories he uncovered was one from the 2nd century AD in which one Roman official was memorialized with a public inscription for rescuing an entire town from boredom (the Latin taedia), though exactly how is lost to the ages.

And the vast amount of ancient graffiti on Roman walls is a testament to the fact that teenagers in every era deface property when they have nothing else to do.

In Christian tradition, chronic boredom was acedia, a sin that’s sort of a proto-sloth. The “noonday demon”, as one of its early chroniclers called it, refers to a state of being simultaneously listless and restless and was often ascribed to monks and other people who led cloistered lives. By the Renaissance, it had morphed from a demon-induced sin into melancholia, a depression brought on by too aggressive study of maths and sciences; later, it was the French ennui.

What is Boredom?

Professor John D. Eastwood of York University, Canada, defined boredom as an experience of “wanting to, but being unable to engage in satisfying activity.” What separates boredom from apathy, he says, is that the person is not engaged but wants to be. With apathy, he said, there is no urge to do something. The core experience of boredom, Eastwood says, is “disruption of the attention process, associated with a low mood and a sense that time is passing slowly.”

Boredom can sound an awful lot like depression. But Eastwood says that while they can be related, people who are bored tend to see the problem as the environment or the world, while people who are depressed see the problem as themselves.

Bored Out of Your Mind? Try Going the Other Way.

Boredom can be a chance to actually be quiet with your own thoughts, and spend some healthy time insideyour own mind, rather than trying to find one more channel of input.

Adam Cox, clinical psychologist and author, says "few of us enjoy boredom, yet the availability of mental space that boredom represents goes hand in hand with a civil mind. We should cling to the pauses in cognition that boredom signals as we might cling to a life raft. It may be our last hope for a private moment of time and space — a chance to breathe and consider how to treat others, before the prospect of civility drowns in a wave of electronic thrills, and there’s no air left to think."

Others see boredom as a sort of spam filter for life, according to the New York Times: "Some experts say that people tune things out for good reasons, and that over time boredom becomes a tool for sorting information. In various fields including neuroscience and education, research suggests that falling into a numbed trance allows the brain to recast the outside world in ways that can be productive and creative at least as often as they are disruptive."

In 2011, Manohla Dargis and A.O. Scott, New York Times film critics, offered up a defense of “boring” films, declaring that they offer the viewer the opportunity to mentally wander: “In wandering there can be revelation as you meditate, trance out, bliss out, luxuriate in your thoughts, think.”

Earlier this year, Science Omega examined the benefits of boredom. Psychologists from the University of Central Lancashire (UCLan) have conducted research into the potential upsides of boredom and found that the time we spend daydreaming could improve our creative ability. Dr. Sandi Mann of UCLan emphasized boredom's role in society: "I do strongly believe that we shouldn’t be afraid of boredom and that we all – adults, children, workers, non-workers – need a little bit of boredom in our lives. Of course I’m not saying we should make people attend boring meetings for the sake of it, but allowing downtime where they can daydream and let their minds wander could possibly lead to benefits…"

And it's not like your brain is asleep while you're bored. Using brain-imaging technology, neuroscientists have found that the brain is highly active when disengaged, consuming only about 5 percent less energy in its resting “default state” than when involved in routine tasks, according to Dr. Mark Mintun, a professor of radiology at Washington University in St. Louis.

“Boredom is the brain’s way to tell you you should be doing something else,” said Gary Marcus, a professor of psychology at N.Y.U. “But the brain doesn’t always know the most appropriate thing to do. If you’re bored and use that energy to play guitar and cook, it will make you happy. But if you watch TV, it may make you happy in the short term, but not in the long term.”

When Boredom Becomes Unhealthy

While occasional boredom can inspire creativity and deliberate action, it can also lead to less healthy behaviors. A common result of tedium is mindless snacking or eating, which research has found to occur both in obese and non-obese individuals.

Boredom has also been cited as a reason behind drug and alcohol use, gambling, risky behaviors (from skydiving to casual sex), crime and violence.

A host of studies have found that people who are easily bored may also be at greater risk for depression, anxiety disorders, gambling addictions, eating disorders, aggression and other psychosocial issues. Boredom can also exacerbate existing mental illness. “One possibility is that boredom causes depression; another is that depression causes boredom; another is that they’re mutually causative," explains Dr. John Eastwood, a clinical psychologist at York University in Toronto. “So we’re at the very beginning stages of trying to figure it out.”

Boredom occurs along a continuum, a spectrum, and so the issue is moderation. If you're constantly bored, you may be suffering from depression, and should seek some help for that.

What If We Didn't Have Boredom?

Scott Adams of "Dilbert" fame talks about how the boredom of his youth and early career opened the gates of his own imagination. But his biggest concern is what will happen to the world if we "lose" boredom:

"Lately I've started worrying that I'm not getting enough boredom in my life. If I'm watching TV, I can fast-forward through commercials. If I'm standing in line at the store, I can check email or play "Angry Birds." When I run on the treadmill, I listen to my iPod while reading the closed captions on the TV. I've eliminated boredom from my life.

Now let's suppose that the people who are leaders and innovators around the world are experiencing a similar lack of boredom. I think it's fair to say they are. What change would you expect to see in a world that has declining levels of boredom and therefore declining creativity? Allow me to describe that world. See if you recognize it.

For starters, you might see people acting more dogmatic than usual. If you don't have the option of thinking creatively, the easiest path is to adopt the default position of your political party, religion or culture. Yup, we see that.

You might see more movies that seem derivative or are sequels. Check.

You might see more reality shows and fewer scripted shows. Right.

You might see the best-seller lists dominated by fiction "factories" in which ghostwriters churn out familiar-feeling work under the brands of famous authors. Got it.

You might see the economy flat-line for lack of industry-changing innovation. Uh-oh.

You might see the headlines start to repeat, like the movie "Groundhog Day," with nothing but the names changed. We're there.

You might find that bloggers are spending most of their energy writing about other bloggers. OK, maybe I do that. Shut up.

You might find that people seem almost incapable of even understanding new ideas. Yes."

Does the Bible Talk About Boredom?

Diane Vincent (Biola University) wrote a brief essay on Ecclesiastes, which certainly seems like a go-to text for this topic.

“I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live; also that everyone should eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil — this is God’s gift to man” (Eccl 3:12–13).

Vincent writes:

"In fact, “find enjoyment in your toil” is a major refrain of the Teacher. This is not a “devil may care” attitude to a meaningless life. Rather, it is an exhortation to enjoy small things “small-ly,” in proper proportion, rather than demand of them eternal satisfaction or even a lasting satisfaction as if they belonged to us. Nothing good is mine to keep or preserve; all is subject not to me, but to death, disintegration, replacement. Life under the sun offers me nothing by which I can profit.

"Embracing this does not make a man a cynic, but helps him to enjoy limited goods in the limited way that belongs to them. A smaller love is better and greater than a disappointed or disillusioned love that quickly slides into contempt.

"Here, we have a friend in boredom. Every so-called new thing never manages to deliver any true gain. To be bored is to rightly feel the meaninglessness of life under the sun. Boredom prompts us to realize what our hearts, burning with eternity, really long for, and using boredom well can renew a small love for small things. We ought not to find small goods and limited joys contemptible, only small."

Embracing Boredom—The Takeaway

The key, again, is moderation.

Mark McGuinness of 99U has six points for dealing with boredom:

1. Make sure it’s the right kind of boredom.

The wrong kind of boredom is the kind you experience when you’re doing something tedious or pointless – something that doesn’t inspire you or help you achieve your ambitions. But the right kind of boredom is the kind you experience in spite of the fact that you know this is something you really, really want to do – i.e. work on a big creative challenge. That should alert you to the fact that it’s only a smokescreen for Resistance.

2. Decide beforehand when you’re going to start work.

If you wait until tomorrow to decide whether to start work in the morning or the afternoon, you give yourself an opportunity to procrastinate. But if you decide today to start at 9am tomorrow, then when 9am comes round you have a stark choice – do your work or break your promise.

3. Cut yourself off from distractions. Don’t rely on willpower.

Is it enough to use software to switch off the internet? Do you need to avoid the computer altogether? Or do you require a high-focus environment like a library or shared studio? You know yourself better than anyone.

4. Prepare to be bored. Don’t resist it.

Sit there and experience it – notice how your body feels, what thoughts and temptations parade through your mind, and what emotions you experience. (A regular meditation practice can be enormously helpful here.) Get to know your boredom – when you really study it, can actually be quite interesting!

5. Stay where you are until the boredom subsides.

Don’t put pressure on yourself to come up with something amazing straight away. Just lay your paper/laptop/canvas/guitar/whatever in front of you, and look at it. If it’s a work in progress, look at what you did yesterday. When I do this, I usually find myself tempted to make a few light edits here and there, and before long the edits get bigger, I cross out fewer words and start adding more and more. So give yourself permission to do nothing or just tinker around – as long as you stay focused on the work in front of you.

6. Make a habit of it.

The more times you see the pattern – first boredom, then curiosity, then interest, then absorption – the more easily you will recognize the boredom as just the first part of the process, and the easier it will be to persist.

So do we celebrate boredom? Well, sorta. Again, it's moderation: Our goal should be to feel comfortable away from the constant chatter of activity and technology.

“Boredom is an agonizing, restless desire to be connected with something meaningful,” Eastwood says. What people are really searching for, he says, is a way to unplug and enjoy down time. “In an environment where we are constantly overstimulated,” he says, “it’s hard to find ways to engage when the noise shuts down.”

SOURCES

http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/health/2013/09/17/benefits-of-being-bored/2826175/
http://www.scienceomega.com/article/763/the-benefits-of-boredom
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/05/health/research/05mind.html?_r=0
http://99u.com/articles/7188/why-boredom-is-good-for-your-creativity
http://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/The-History-of-Boredom-180161211.html#ixzz2jQQfbgZK
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/01/your-money/why-its-not-all-bad-to-be-bored.html?pagewanted=2&_r=0
http://www.thenewatlantis.com/publications/the-case-for-boredom
http://online.wsj.com/news/articles/SB10001424053111903454504576486412642177904

Is it Research or Cheating? Avoiding plagiarism and still doing good work.

Any of these things ever happen to you?

You had to work extra hours yesterday, and then there was that surprise birthday party for your friend last night... and the paper that’s due this afternoon is still not done. You’ve got to turn in something... so maybe if you could just find something good online and ‘rewrite’ it a little...

You’ve been putting off writing this paper for weeks now... you’ve done some research online, and even talked to the prof about it, but you still can’t seem to get your arms around it. You don’t know enough about the subject to write intelligently. And now it’s due...

You don’t write well, but you got through high school and actually did pretty well. But now you’re in a class where they want a 10-page research paper with ten sources! You can’t do it, you know you can’t... and everybody’s going to find out that you don’t belong here after all. All your dreams for your future seem to hinge on this one paper...

You’ve been working hard on this paper; you’ve got tons and tons of quotes and citations. But you can’t turn in a paper that’s all quotes... maybe if you just used some of them as quotes and kind of tweaked the rest of them into your ‘own words,’ you’d be able to assemble a paper out of all this....

All of us have been there; not enough time, not enough information, not enough confidence. Each of these is a fertile opportunity for plagiarism; taking someone else’s words, ideas, or work and passing it off as your own.

Writing is hard. Research is hard. But professors give students these assignments not because they’re really interested in the final product; they want you to have experience and develop competence with the process. You learn to write by writing. You learn to research by researching. That’s what you’re here for, to learn, not just to get through. Don’t cheat yourself by trying to cheat the system.

Risky Business

Plagiarism not only shortcuts and cheats this process, it is against university policies, and it's even against the law. People are sued every day over plagiarism. It is a form of stealing; taking something that is not yours, without permission. It is fraud, regardless of why you’re doing it.

And professors are no longer clueless. They know where most of the ‘download a term-paper’ sites are. There are numerous websites and software programs [Turnitin, anyone?] now available that profs can use to check a suspicious passage from your paper. Or simpler yet, they can just do a Google search, and type in a few words that don’t sound like they came from you. A few Google hits, and your ship is sunk.

The penalties can be serious. If the prof decides that it’s merely erroneous or sloppy citing, it may cost you a few points; but more serious plagiarism could get you a ‘zero’ for the assignment or even result in failing the class. Every semester, Student Development receives reports from profs about cheating (usually plagiarism), which get recorded in a file that’s kept for years after graduation. Certain programs will dismiss a student for plagiarism, and repeat offenders face suspension or even expulsion.

Keeping Clean

So what can you do? Well, if you’re intentionally plagiarizing…just going online, finding research papers or encyclopedia entries, and doing the ‘select all-copy-paste-format-print’ finger dance… well, come on. Maybe copying a report from the encyclopedia was okay when you were in second grade. Like we said at the beginning, there may be lots of ‘good’ reasons to cheat, but you may want to seriously think about what kind of person you’re becoming, and the kind of habits you’re building for yourself. If you cheat now, “because,” then it’ll be easier to cheat later, when you’re employed, when you’re a taxpayer, when you’re married…

And these 'term-papers-for-sale' folks aren't exactly Hemingways or Einsteins either. One site says "we write Logical proposition and thesis. It is like a statement, and it is one of the statement, which is just like an official essay, an argument essay or describes the essential idea of a higher education paper." Another site explains that "the purpose of research paper writing is to add up credits which can actually contribute to final grades of students. Custom Research Papers writing seems to a quite easy job but even individuals who have successfully cleared their degree after submitting their good graded Custom research papers hesitate to writer more research papers."

See? Look at all the true actual facts which you are learning now from these Custom research paper sites which you just are reading about!

Okay, seriously... maybe you’re genuinely uncertain about the rules and the limits. Here are some clues:

Understand the importance of integrity: We’ve already talked about the consequences, not only the potential discipline but how it short-changes the educational process. But this is a tricky process; all of us ‘borrow’ from each other, and our education is not ‘ex nihilo’ but is built on the work of our predecessors. An NWU website says it well:

“All of us--faculty and students together--draw from a vast pool of texts, ideas, and findings that humans have accumulated over thousands of years; we could not think to any productive end without it. Even the sudden insights that appear at first glance to arrive out of nowhere come enmeshed in other people's thinking. What we call originality is actually the innovative combining, amending, or extending of material from that pool. Hence each of us must learn how to declare intellectual debts. Proper attribution acknowledges those debts responsibly, usefully, and respectfully.”

Understand the process: When writing an informative or persuasive paper, the point is either to summarize known information, explain the results of a study, or build an argument. You should assume that your readers don’t know you from Adam; so why should they believe what you write? You need to cite evidence; either an expert who knows more than you do, or a study on the subject, or another type of trustworthy information source. The validity of the source depends on the subject: the LA Times would be a valid source for a paper on the Dodgers’ move from Brooklyn to LA, but if you were writing a paper on quantum physics, you might want a more authoritative source than a newspaper. You include citation information, so that someone who reads your paper and wants more info can do his or her own research and find the article that you used.

Understand different uses: There are a few key methods for using information.

Common knowledge is info that your readers would already know (like George Washington being the first U.S. President); if you mention this in your paper, you don’t need a citation. But if you claim that Washington also liked video games and fast cars, you probably need some ‘backup’ to prove it to your readers.

Paraphrasing is when you use information from another source, but don’t quote it directly; you ‘repackage’ it in your own words, and give proper credit. So let’s say you come across an article about Washington, where the author claims to have access to personal letters written by Washington; you might write: Despite his stately and somewhat detached public image, Washington regularly sent letters to his friends indicating his love of fast cars and video games, particularly World of Warcraft (Johnson, 2006). This particular format is called APA formatting, where instead of footnotes you just include the author’s last name and the year the article was published. Your prof should tell you what format they want your paper to use.

Direct quotes are also using information from another source, but it’s so well stated and clearly written that instead of paraphrasing it, you want to quote the writer directly. Quoting like this requires you to use quotation marks and a specific page. You might write: As one historian said, “Washington’s frequent references to "Lambos" and "leveling up" will surely require us to re-evaluate our view of the Revolutionary War period” (Johnson, 2006, p. 348). Paraphrasing and direct quotes are often used together; you may paraphrase an author’s main idea, and add a key direct quote at the end to tie it together.

So there are two things going on here. First, you’re being honest about how you got the info. If you write a detailed, informative paper with no citations, your prof has two options: (a) “Gosh, Susie’s a genius! She has first-hand knowledge about quantum physics research! I should make her my TA!” or (b) “Okay, which site did Susie rip this off from?” Second, you want to provide support for your paper, so that your prof can say, “Hmmm, Susie makes some pretty strong statements here, but she’s found a lot of experts who agree with her…” Which is better than “What the heck is Susie thinking?”

Understand the material: Students often plagiarize because they don’t understand the material well enough to put it in their own words. If you don’t get it well enough to state your own argument, you’re not ready to write about it. The goal is to build your own argument, then drop in a strong quote or reference or two as support. If you’re just stringing together a bunch of quotes, that’s a clue that you don’t get it… or you’re just throwing the thing together. Folks at Indiana U have a good idea; if you want to paraphrase an author’s ideas, first read their material, then close the book and see if you can write a summary in your own words. If you can’t, you need to read it some more.

Okay, now I’m totally freaked

Relax. If you’ve never really focused on proper sourcing and citations, it’s a learning process. If you’re writing a massive paper, you’re probably going to mess up (likely by sloppy note-taking or during the formatting process) and fail to properly cite a source. As we said earlier, ‘honest’ errors might cost you a few points, and are a learning experience. But keep working at it; it’s the right thing to do, and the alternative is bad for both mind and soul.

The resources cited below can help you learn how to avoid plagiarism and write a successful paper:

From Purdue University
From Winthrop University (PDF)
From Indiana University
From Northwestern University
From Widener University

If you’re struggling with a paper, talk to your prof, or check out your school's writing center, or seek out a tutor. Your profs want you to succeed, not fail... and plagiarizing is not success.

In the Heat of the Moment: Getting through a heat wave.

Hot again! Here's some common sense about dealing with the heat.

The best defense is prevention.

• Drink more fluids, regardless of your activity level. Don’t wait until you’re thirsty to drink. Even if you remain indoors and limit your activity, your body still needs to replace lost fluids, salt and minerals. Make an extra effort to drink a minimum of six to eight 8 oz. glasses of cool fluids daily.

• During heavy exercise in a hot environment, drink two to four glasses of cool fluids each hour.

• Alcoholic beverages are not something you should drink in quantity, and they're actually not helpful at all in hydrating your body.

• Don’t drink liquids with large amounts of sugar or caffeine–these actually cause you to lose more body fluid. Also, avoid very cold drinks, because they can cause stomach cramps.

• Stay indoors and, if at all possible, stay in an air-conditioned place. If your res hall does not have air conditioning, hey, this is a great time to introduce yourself to the Library!

• Electric fans may provide comfort, but when the temperature is in the high 90s, fans will not prevent heat-related illness. Taking a cool shower, or moving to an air-conditioned place is a much better way to cool off.

• Wear lightweight, light-colored, loose-fitting clothing.

• Dunk yourself: Find the hours of the on-campus pool, or the local public pool.

If you must be out in the heat

• Try to limit your outdoor activity to morning and evening hours. You have to get from class to class, but don't hang out outside.

• Cut down on exercise. If you must exercise, drink two to four glasses of cool fluids each hour. A sports beverage can replace the salt and minerals you lose in sweat.

• Try to rest often in shady areas.

• Protect yourself from the sun by wearing a wide-brimmed hat (also keeps you cooler) and sunglasses and by putting on sunscreen of SPF 15 or higher (the most effective products say “broad spectrum” or “UVA/UVB protection” on their labels).

What can happen if you’re not careful?

The most common heat-related conditions are heatstroke, heat exhaustion, heat cramps, sunburn and heat rash. Heatstroke and heat exhaustion are the most serious conditions.

What is heatstroke?
Heatstroke occurs when the body becomes unable to control its temperature: the body's temperature rises rapidly, the sweating mechanism fails and the body is unable to cool down. Body temperature may rise to 106 degrees F or higher within 10 to 15 minutes. Heatstroke can result from overexposure to direct sunlight, with or without physical activity, or to very high indoor temperatures. It can cause death or permanent disability if emergency treatment is not given.

What are the symptoms of heatstroke and how are they treated?
Symptoms of heatstroke include an extremely high body temperature (above 103 degrees F, orally); red, hot and dry skin; rapid pulse; throbbing headache; dizziness; nausea; confusion; and unconsciousness. If symptoms of heatstroke are present, find a cool place, preferably an air-conditioned indoor setting. Outside, find a spot in the shade. Put the person in a semi-sitting position. Loosen his or her clothing and bathe the head and body with cold water. Seek medical attention immediately.

What is heat exhaustion?
Heat exhaustion can result when too much time is spent in a very warm environment, resulting in excessive sweating without adequate fluid and electrolyte (salt and minerals) replacement. This can occur either indoors or outdoors, with or without exercise.

What are the symptoms of heat exhaustion and how are they treated?
Symptoms of heat exhaustion may include dizziness, headache, nausea, abdominal cramps, shallow breathing, cool and clammy skin, muscle tremors and heavy perspiration.

A person suffering from heat exhaustion should be moved to an air-conditioned environment if possible.

• If outside, move the person to a shady spot.

• Loosen the person's clothing and encourage him or her to drink cool, non-alcoholic, decaffeinated beverages.

• Keep the person quiet.

It may be necessary to seek medical attention if symptoms worsen or last longer than one hour or if the person has heart problems or high blood pressure. If left untreated, heat exhaustion may progress to heatstroke.

Information from the CDC was used extensively in preparation of this story.

True Love...Dates? Why dating at a Christian college is so weird (Pt. 2).

In Part Two of this CMR podcast (Part One is here) about Christians and dating, guest Debra Fileta* focuses on where our own lives should be, before we think about starting a relationship with someone else. The discussion also steers into the contentious area of "roles" in marriage, and concludes with some wisdom about both physical and emotional intimacy.

For Debra, the framework that all dating questions fit is "Am I engaging in healthy relationships? Am I a healthy person? Do I have a healthy relationship with God? Those are the three central questions that I'm trying to get people to zoom out and answer....Christians are good at the cliché of saying, "Oh Christ is the center of our relationship." What does that really mean? How do you break that down and make it a practical thing?"

Are Christians waiting too long to get married, and thus causing themselves problems? Debra finds that there is no 'best age' to get married: "It does take maturity, and maturity comes from different things....maturity comes from life experience, maturity comes from the people that you're exposed to, maturity comes from the Holy Spirit and the depth of your relationship with the Lord. What it comes down to truly isn't necessarily a number."

Chris, Tim, and Debra also get into whether men and women are as different as we've been led to believe. Are men really from Venus and women from Mars? "I feel like we put [on] these negative stereotypes and we sort of make them bigger than they are," says Debra. "When I look at scripture, I don't see much of that going on. I see Christ calling us to the same kinds of things...at the end of the day we're all called to health and wholeness in Christ.”

What about emotional intimacy? We've been told to set clear boundaries with physical intimacy, but surely emotional and spiritual intimacy is a positive thing, right? Be wise, says Debra: "I think sometimes we take spiritual intimacy and we introduce it into a dating relationship far too early...before trust has even been earned, before commitment has even been discussed and we end up with a broken heart and a broken spirit....We want to connect as fast as we can, but nothing will ever replace your intimacy with God and that's what's going to give you more and more wisdom and more and more answers along the way."

Want to hear the whole thing? It's 26 minutes of real wisdom.

Listen to the whole podcast here

* Debra Fileta is a professional counselor, national speaker, and creator of TrueLoveDates.com where she reaches over 2 million people a year with the message that "healthy people make healthy relationships." She's also the author of the book True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life, where she writes candidly about dating, relationships, and how to find true love. You may also recognize her from her 200+ articles at Relevant Magazine, Crosswalk.com, and all over the web.

True Love...Dates? Why dating at a Christian college is so weird (Pt. 1).

In a culture that condones and even encourages the hookup, dating for young Christians is often a taboo subject; it's either avoided completely, or only acceptable with a person you're "intending to marry."

This makes living around hundreds of other young single people at college a very confusing and anxiety-producing thing. 

But, of course, it's too weird to talk about.

So, of course, Drs. Chris Grace and Tim Muehlhoff will talk about it. In this edition of the CMR podcast, they sit down with Debra Fileta, author of True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide To Finding the Love of Your Life, to discuss why dating doesn't happen on Christian campuses, who can initiate, having realistic expectations, working on your own baggage, and spotting red flags.

After 11 years at Biola, Tim has observed something that nearly every undergrad already knows, that "...the way modern Christian college students navigate this is, there is virtually nodating that happens on campus. And what little dating that doeshappen goes from zero to a hundred in a heartbeat."

Why? As Debra sees it, given the excesses of the culture around us, "there's this fear of even interactingwith the opposite sex....We want to honor God, we want to do what's right, but really deep deep down, I think there's also a fear of failure. We don't want to mess this up..."

Another of Debra's observations concerns a loss of perspective: "I think we elevate dating to the level of marriage. We take it just as seriously, and asking someone out for coffee becomes equivalent to a marriage proposal: "I have to take this seriously," even though it's really just coffee. I think we've lost the art of having relationships in a healthy way with the opposite sex that aren't even romantic."

And we haven't even gotten to the part about who can (should?) initiate, how social media affects our expectations and standards, and how becoming an emotionally healthy person is key to having a healthy relationship. It's worth the 27 minutes (and after that, Part Two is here).

Listen to the whole podcast here

Debra Fileta is a professional counselor, national speaker, and creator of TrueLoveDates.com where she reaches over 2 million people a year with the message that "healthy people make healthy relationships." She's also the author of the book "True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life," where she writes candidly about dating, relationships, and how to find true love. You may also recognize her from her 200+ articles at Relevant Magazine, Crosswalk.com, and all over the web.